Lief the second
by Kylie Concorde
Summary: A short funny oneshot for people who don't have much time or patience. It takes place 50 years after the end of DQ1 and it features the Shadow Lord having a surprisingly amusing conversation with one of his spies. This is my first story, so please review.


**Author's note:** This is a shaggy dog story. If you're wondering what a shaggy dog story is, my English textbook has the answer, 'A shaggy dog story is an entertaining though unlikely story with an amusing punch line at the end. Clues appear throughout the story to hint at what the punch line will be. So a shaggy dog story is also a game between the writer and the reader with part of the fun being to guess the punch line.'

So, in other words this is one extremely long Deltora Quest joke and your mission (should you dare to accept it) is to try and figure out the punch line. By the way this is my first story, so be nice and enjoy.

**Lief the Second**

Few would know it, but in some secret, hidden, concealed, impossible to find (you get the idea) cave in Deltora, a mysterious shadowy figure was lurking around, in search of a powerful communication device known as the crystal.

Why the Shadow Lord (with all his powerful dark magic and whatnot) had not yet succeeded in inventing a mobile phone is still unknown. True mobile phones, can cost quite a bit of money (especially if one happens to be connected with Telstra), but they have the advantage of being portable, as oppose to the Shadow Lord's crystals which seem to weigh more than every Biggest Loser contestant put together.

Whoops, I seem to have gotten of track. Anyway, upon discovering the crystal, the mysterious figure mentioned all the way back in paragraph one, felt a rush of terror, for he knew his master would not be pleased with the news he had to give.

_So, you have found my crystal after all_, the hissing voice of the Shadow Lord jeered; _maybe you're not as incompetent as you seem, Slave._

'Why are speaking in italics master?' his servant asked, 'And why don't your wise words have quotation marks around them?'

_This is how I always talk isn't it? _

'No this only happened when you were speaking to the old king, Lief.'

'Oh, you're right,' the Shadow Lord snarled, 'now what new information do you have for me, Slave?'

The servant gulped, 'I must ask you to stop calling me your slave. I find it rather disrespectful.'

'I'll decide what's disrespectful, Slave. I'm the ruler of Deltora,' the Shadow Lord thundered.

'Sorry to tell you this, but you haven't ruled Deltora, since king Lief reassembled the Belt of Deltora fifty years ago.'

'That happened fifty years ago?' the Shadow Lord gasped in surprise, 'I could've sworn it's only been only a twentieth of an eye-blinks since my tyranny of Deltora, but you know how it is with me. To my anger and envy a thousand years pass like the blink of an eye. Man how time flies, when you're waiting for one of your brilliant plans to come in to action.'

'Speaking of your brilliant plans master, I have succeeded in disposing of the old king Lief.'

'Yes I'm amazed that you were able to over power and kill a sixty-six year old,' the Shadow Lord replied sarcastically, 'Has that moron, by the name of Endon been proclaimed king?'

'You mean old Lief's son, Endon?'

'Who else could I be talking about you idiot! The other Endon is dead.'

'Well master,' the servant began, feeling more nervous then a teenager about to sit a maths exam, 'There is something you must know about Endon. You see the foolish new king got together with the child of Barda and Lindal of Broome. I have heard plenty of mushy details, but I'd rather not provide you with them.'

'And I'd rather not hear them,' the Shadow Lord agreed, 'Go on then.'

'Well, one day while I was spying on the people of Del, I learned that Endon's wife had given birth to a young boy.'

'What is the name of this disgusting little brat?'

'The child has been named after his grandfather, Lief.'

'What they named their kid Lief?' the Shadow Lord laughed cruelly, 'What fools! At least I have some creativity when it comes to dreaming up names. Don't I, Prandine Two?

'Indeed you do master,' Prandine Two stuttered, untruthfully, 'What do you suppose we do about this new Lief?'

'Give me a couple of centuries; I'm sure I'll think of something.'

'Forgive me for saying this, master, but up until this point, your diabolical plans have been far too ingenious. Why not do something cliché for once?' Prandine suggested

'How dare you impose, that I should use your idea, instead of coming up with one of my own. You're nothing but a pathetic little slave, what gives you the right to make decisions on my behalf.'

'Well unfortunately, master, none of your plans have ever worked for more than sixteen years, which because of your anger and envy is only equal to point zero one eye-blinks.'

'Point zero one six, you idiot,' the Shadow Lord smirked, 'yet despite you stupidity, you are indeed right, I might have to change my tactics, if I want Deltora to be mine.'

'What if I told Endon that you would create endless storms and destroy all the crops in Deltora (or something like that) unless he gave young Lief over to me? And once I have the heir to Deltora in my hands, I'll destroy him,' Prandine squealed excitedly.

'Yes,' the Shadow Lord grinned savagely (even though Prandine couldn't see him doing so), 'Tell Endon that if he wishes to save his land, all he'll have to do is turn over a new leaf.'

**The End**

Get it! You probably didn't, try reading it again. I know, it's not that funny and the punch line was pretty easy to predict. Still that was probably the longest joke you've ever read, in fact it was 761 words long and could've been much longer had I paid attention to detail.

Yeah, I know the plan they came up with was pretty lame and had, like, a billion obvious flaws, but who cares it's just a joke! In fact if you look hard enough this story contains plenty of inconsistence, but it's just a parody, and at least the Shadow Lord isn't completely out of character.

That italics thing at the start is a reference to the beginning of 'Dragon's Nest.' I'm pretty sure there was a grammical explantion for the italics in the book, but I never figured it out (grammor was never my strong point.) Also, I might have spent too much time making fun of that 'thousand years equals the blink of an eye' thing ( mentioned in chapter two of 'the Forests of Silence.') I'll try to be funnier in future. Anyway tell me what you think.

Hey isn't it strange how a story where Lief dies, turns out to be a comedy. For some reason all shaggy dog stories are kind of sad but hilarious at the same time.


End file.
